I'm not dead! I swear!

I know, I've been away for ages. I'm so sorry.

Why, you may ask, have I been gone? Well, I suppose it's two fold. . . One: non-Boyfriend things have sort of taken over in these parts and Two: I feel I've sort of let everyone down with promises of big things to come and then they didn't. I know that's silly, but it was like I failed myself and in a way failed you, so I went into a bit of hiding.

Anyway. . . Here I am!

I'm still feeling kind of stuck Boyfriend-wise, unsure where to go beyond logs and log related merchandise. The big plan that fell through. . . well, I was going to start a robot-a-day project in the new year but the new year came fast (as new years often do) and life problems put craft plans on hold. I still want to do it but I'm still unsure of when I'll be able to start.

So, yeah, these past few months have been uncertain here at MIBF HQ, much as they've been the whole world wide, but since I try to keep this craft and Boyfriend centered I just kept my bitching to myself and Facebook.

But I promise I'm back.

I want to start a few regular features. The first will be my thrift/antique finds. I'm going to make you all sooooo jealous that I live here in cosmopolitan Bakersfield! I'll also link to my regular CraftStylish posts and keep you up to date as I try to further my screen printing skills in the very near future. What I won't do is hide in my shell again when things get tough. I'll share my work with you both the great work and the not so great. What I make, you will see.

I'm back. . . I'm back for good.

Hearts and Puppies,
erika

Craft a day - 19 & 20, wherein Erika loses it. . .

Sorry folks. . . Nothing new made yesterday. . . made a log for someone from Etsy, but that's not new, and to top that, I forgot to take a picture before I packed it up for it's new home in Seattle. Oops.

To make things worse it's quickly becoming apparent that nothing will be made today either. I had a plan to revisit my old friend polymer clay but things just haven't worked out. My mind was so set that I can't think of another, quick, craft.

Sigh.

I've been having one of those low self-esteem kind of days. Questioning all my choices. . . so it's no surprise that I can't figure out one stupid, stinking craft. I'd go on, but this isn't that kind of blog, and I wouldn't want you all to call the men in the white coats on me. So I'll shut it with a promise that tomorrow will be the start of bigger and better things.

Sorry.

Hearts and puppies,
erika

I should be sleeping. . .

I leave for Philly in 5 hours and 40 minutes.

I am not sleeping.

ggggrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh.

At the begining of "craft lockdown" I'm stuck for ideas. . .

With show season fast approaching, I've come to the time I call "craft lockdown" where I sit at home and sew, paint, embellish, and sew some more for 15 to 20 hours a day in preparation for the sales to come. Craft lockdown is just that, I don't really leave the house unless it's an absolute necessity, I loose touch with friends and family and I only shower when I start to gross myself out (I know eeewww, over share!). It's the time of year I'm super thankful I have an understanding, supportive roommate. Because, honestly, I get a little crazy during lockdown. . . okay. . . a lot crazy. . . but it does seem to work for me and I always seem to get things done.

That is until now. . .

I have such a killer design block right now! Nothing new seems to be coming out. I could do what I've done before just to have stuff to sell, but I don't really want to do that. I feel like there's progress to be made, that there's ideas in there. I have them during the day, I even write them down but when I try to execute them, they fall flat. Like this bag I just made. Blech. A big ugly, pleated mess. It's so discouraging.

And now I ask myself, am I pushing myself too far? Should I just go back to what I'm good at which is the embellishment, the applique, the embroidery, and leave the fancy bag shapes and fabrics to the people who can actually make patterns and sew them up all pretty like? Should I just stick to basic shapes like the sewing remedial I am?

BAH. I hate feeling like this. It's been going on for a while (notice my almost empty etsy shop) but I was hoping that, if i just let it be, it would pass. But it hasn't passed and I can't wait any longer! I need ideas that work and I need them now. If I can't come up with anything I'm gonna have to trot out the same old deer and birds and I really don't want to do that.

Sigh.

hearts and puppies,
erika

Feeling better now. Thank you.

Hi all!
Just wanted to thank all my friends for their support and for saying all the things that would have been petty if they had come out of my mouth (or from my fingers).

Thanks to all my Craft Mafia girls for their "What were they thinking!?!"-s. A special thanks to Joi for talking to me for a full hour and telling me all of her conspiracy theories on my slight and then commissioning a shadow box from me. Working on that box really helped me focus on something other than a mind full of "What did I do wrong?"

Thanks to Cindy for telling me that they're obviously crazy.

Thanks to Tom for trying, though he called at the worse time and I threw him over for a giant tray of Los Pollitos Super Nachos with chicken and 2 pieces of their yummy Mex-corn (and thanks to Los Pollitos for all their tasty goodness at a very affordable price). Even without all of the food that had just been delivered, I just wasn't ready to suss out the why-s of it all. Thanks for understanding (that thanks goes to my Mom too).

Thanks to Julie and Steve for letting me sit on their couch, watch their Showtime on demand (yea! This American Life!) and various other TV wonders (I stand by my stance that Robin Hood is good and fun!), drink their beer, and eat their food for almost all of Sunday. They made me laugh and completely took my mind off anything imaginary boyfriend related.

That is all for now. I'll post pictures of Joi's shadow box soon.

hearts and puppies,
erika

my imaginary boyfriend rejected!

Seems there's no love for the boyfriend over at Bazaar Bizarre. . .

Dear BB SF 2007 Applicant,

Sadly, we're writing to tell you we weren't able to accept your application for the 2007 San Francisco Bazaar Bizarre. We wish we could find a way to let in everyone who applies; as it is there were over two-and-a-half times the number of applications than spots available. It was a very tough decision. There were a lot of really fabulous and inspirational applications that we're really sad we won't have room for.

Thanks very much for your interest and creativity and for taking the time to apply. We very much appreciate it, and wish you the best in your creative efforts.

All the best,
The Bazaar Bizarre Organizers

It feels like a punch in the gut, like it's not really happening.

I have to go cry now, talk to you all later. . .
erika

the waiting is the hardest part

Hey Tom! I quoted your man, Tom Petty! Oh, man. . . I can't believe I quoted Tom Petty. . .

Anyway. . .

Spring show season is fast approaching and my applications are out in the ether, out of my hands. . . applications in the hands of a (hopefully not) angry juried alt-craft fair.

I hate this time.

I have (knock on wood/throw salt over my shoulder/go outside, knock to be let back in, be refused, repeat 2 more times before I'm once more granted admission into the building) never not gotten into a show but it doesn't make my anxiety any less anxious. After all, isn't there always a first time?

Flashback to this past November. I had just finished a successful showing at Stitch Austin. Got a lot of positive feedback. . . sold a lot of stuff. . . I should have been happy, right? Wrong. Because I had yet to hear from the Bust Holiday Craftacular and it was the day the acceptance e-mails were going out. All over the craft community message boards were posts about getting in (and not getting in) but I had not heard peep one. On top of that I was stranded at the Austin airport because my flight was delayed due to bad weather in New York.

What was going on!?!? Being the shiny, happy girl I am, I, of course jump to the conclusion that I've not been accepted to this show and that I'm a failure! I start crying. . . in the airport. . . calling my Mom. . . calling my friends. . . going off in equal parts of "What did I do wrong?/Why don't they like me this year?/Forget them! They wouldn't know talent if it shook it's tail feathers in front of them!!!"

Um. . . yeah. . . I know. . . drama much? Sigh. . . kinda makes sense that my mom used to call me her little Sarah Brnhardt. . . Let's just say, I'm not particularly proud of that facet of my personality. . .

What was actually going on? A glitch in the Bust email system where a number of the acceptance letters got lost in the great big world of zeros and ones. . . Oops. . . They do love me!!! I take back that talent thing. . .

So, yeah, that's why I hate the waiting.

I'm doing my best to try and fill the time. Made a baby bag for my friend, and fellow Craft Mafia member, Sarah who just had a super cute baby girl. And I've been working on some new style directions for line. I just finished a new pleated clutch (but is it too close to the pleated clutch that has been vexing Joi over at Stereoette?). Only time and you all will tell. As Cindy says, there are only so many shapes. . .

Tomorrow I'll post pics of the new bags and you can tell me if I'm a big steal-ly thief who steals things.

hearts and puppies!
erika